You’re Touching Her Body — But Not Her Pleasure

Ulugbek Kasimov
Aug 14
2 min read

Why Most Men Are Failing Her in Bed (And Have No Idea)

Let’s cut through the crap.

You’re doing your best.You care.You want to be a great lover.

But if you’re like 90% of men…

You’re skipping the most important part of her pleasure.

You're going straight for stimulation.You’re using pressure instead of presence.You think “getting her off” is a goal you can check off.

And the truth is?

She’s not even there with you.

She’s enduring the moment, not enjoying it.She’s playing along.She’s going through the motions… because telling you what she really needs feels like too much work.

❌ The Hidden Mistake Most Men Make

Here’s what I can guarantee:

If you’ve ever wondered why your partner…

Feels distant during sex
Seems “hard to please” or “not into it”
Starts pulling away after what you thought was a great night…

Then you’ve likely been missing the signal beneath the surface.

Because the truth is:

Her pleasure lives in the subtle. Not in the show.

It’s not about pressure.It’s not about performance.It’s about attunement.

The Real Reason She Can’t Fully Relax With You

Let’s get even more honest:

You rush.

You rush because you’re afraid.

Afraid she’ll say no.
Afraid you’ll do it wrong.
Afraid that just being there won’t be enough.

So you press.You poke.You perform.

And what she really wants?

Your presence. Not your pressure.

Try This: The "Slow Circles of Reverence" Technique

Here’s one simple practice I share in my book Creating Her Safe Zone — and it changes everything:

🔥 The Slow Circles of Reverence

Don’t aim for her clit. Don’t rush toward orgasm. Just place your hand over her mound. Rest it there. Then breathe.Do nothing.Let her body feel your stillness. Now begin the lightest circular movement.Lighter than you think. Watch. Does she breathe deeper? Does she move toward you or away? Let her body lead.Let your ego die. And when you finally do touch her — she’ll feel you with her entire nervous system.

📖 Want More Like This?

This is just one of 99 core mistakes I break down in Creating Her Safe Zone — my field guide for conscious men ready to stop performing and start leading.

The book shows you:

✅ Why she’s not opening — even when she says yes✅ How to create deep nervous system safety in intimacy✅ The exact ways men disconnect — and how to come back✅ Shadow work to stop leaking your fear and neediness✅ Grounded practices you can apply tonight — no woo, no fluff